


The Search Is Over

by SpoonyLupin



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Cheesy, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Friendship, Missing Scene, Pre-Relationship, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-19
Updated: 2017-07-19
Packaged: 2018-12-04 01:30:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11544624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpoonyLupin/pseuds/SpoonyLupin
Summary: Remus was determined that he was too old, too poor, and too dangerous for Tonks, but what happens when he finally listens to what he wants?





	The Search Is Over

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including, but not limited to, Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros. Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

Still feeling in shock over what had happened, Remus muttered something about leaving Bill alone with his family and made for the door of the hospital wing. In actuality, he really needed to be by himself, to have a few moments of silence to absorb everything that had happened – but apparently, he wasn’t going to get it just yet.

Tonks followed him out of the hospital wing, pushing the door closed behind her. “We need to talk,” she said quietly.

“No, we don’t,” Remus said tiredly. “We’ve been over this enough times. I’m…”

“For the love of Merlin, Remus,” Tonks said heatedly, her hands on her hips, “if you sprout off that rubbish about being too dangerous, or too old, or too poor one more time –!“

“For the last time, it’s the truth!” Remus snapped. “I’m sorry if you’re too blinded by love to see that.”

“Oh, Remus,” Tonks hissed, taking a few steps towards him, “you don’t even realize…” She broke off momentarily, taking a few seconds to compose herself. “One of us is definitely being blind, but it certainly isn’t me.”

“I’m a werewolf, Tonks!” Remus yelled. “If you think that’s nothing, then you really are…”

“I never said it was nothing!” Tonks interrupted. “I told you I can accept that, and I have. Even back when we first met, I accepted it. That’s _why_ I was your friend. If you never realized that, then _you’re_ the one who’s blind, end of story.”

“Tonks…”

“Save it,” Tonks cut him off. “Like you said, we’ve discussed this enough times, haven’t we?” She cleared her throat and said, “I have things to do, and no, this certainly is not the time to discuss it.” She gave him a pointed look, clearly satisfied with throwing Remus’s own words back at him.

Without another word, she turned on her heel and walked quickly down the hall.

Everything that had happened over the last year seemed to compound in that instant, feeling like an immense weight on Remus’s shoulders. He sagged against the stone wall, his breath slipping out of him, and he shut his eyes.

Unfortunately, that didn’t make the world go away.

~~~~~~~~~~

The next Order meeting, the day before Dumbledore’s funeral, was solemn. Without Dumbledore there, it just seemed wrong, and without Snape there…He was an annoying git, yes, but the meeting was doubly wrong without him and his sneering comments.

Everyone said exactly what they had come there to discuss. There was no chatting after the meeting about this and that, no small talk. Mostly everyone left immediately afterwards, except for Tonks and a few others.

Remus sat at the table, sipping a cup of tea. Tonks was involved in a conversation with Kingsley by the fire. Remus wasn’t really paying attention to what they were saying, but the words he did pick up – dead, the Ministry, Hogwarts, Azkaban – made him tune them out more and more.

What Remus was focusing on, however, were Tonks’s eyes. They were dark but sparkling, even now, after everything that had happened. Remus momentarily remembered the first time he had met her, when she had still been a little girl.

It didn’t seem that long ago, but yet, she was grown now, a young woman. Maybe that was part of the problem. He still thought of her as a little girl, and in some ways, she was still so young. She couldn’t possibly know what loving him really meant, could she?

But then, Remus reminded himself, James and Lily had been much younger than Tonks was now when they had gotten married and had Harry. Did he consider them too young to know what they wanted? No, but neither James nor Lily had been a werewolf. Lycanthropy changed everything.

_It only changes things because you want it to_ , Tonks had told him once, during one of their many conversations over the last several months.

Remus bit at his lower lip, still not taking his eyes from Tonks’s. He squinted, staring intently at her, as if her eyes somehow held the answers to…everything.

Just then, Tonks glanced at him, caught him watching her. Remus’s first urge was to look away, but he didn’t. He held her gaze and he felt something – something spark inside of him. The faintest smile blushed across her lips, but then it was gone.

_She felt it, too,_ Remus realized, _whatever it was._

~~~~~~~~~~

The last of the guests slowly left, leaving Tonks and Remus alone in the kitchen. She blushed when she caught him looking at her again, but then she muttered something about needing to be elsewhere.

She headed for the stairs, but Remus was on his feet, calling her name, asking her to wait. He wasn’t entirely sure what he even wanted to say, but what he did know was that he didn’t want her to leave just yet.

Tonks stopped at the bottom of the stairs, her hand reaching up to grab at the wall – to keep herself from losing her balance as she slowly turned, probably. She titled her head, giving him an inquisitive look.

“Did you want something?” she asked, sounding slightly cold, not that Remus expected her to sound anything but.

Remus opened his mouth, but he still wasn’t sure what he wanted to say; his mind was blank. Closing his mouth again, he shook his head and turned away from her, looking at the fire instead. “It’s nothing,” he said so quietly, he wasn’t sure if she’d been able to hear at all.

“The hell it is,” Tonks said, quickly crossing the room until she was standing behind him. “Remus, whatever it is, you can…”

“I can’t tell you,” Remus cut her off gently. “I can’t, because I barely know what I’m thinking myself.”

“Okay, forget about thinking,” Tonks replied. “What do you _want_?”

Remus knew the answer to that as soon as she asked it. Swallowing hard, Remus tried to ignore the urge he had to suddenly turn and kiss her, to run his hands through her brown hair. Remus wasn’t necessarily one for bright colors, but he wished her hair was a different color – he longed for her hair to return to its bright bubblegum pink, or maybe even a shocking blue, or deep purple.

It pained Remus when he realized when Tonks had changed, and not for the better. When she had first started pursuing him, nearly a year ago, and he had turned her away…

But he couldn’t – wouldn’t – give into his wants. As much as she tried to push it aside, she wouldn’t be safe with him, wouldn’t be taken care of. And what if they did try, and things didn’t work out between them? That would hurt her even more. He loved her too much to…

Letting out a breath, Remus frowned at a point in the corner of the room. Was that really how he felt? He’d been so busy coming up with excuses as to why they shouldn’t be together, but he’d never really thought about how he _felt_.

“Remus,” Tonks said softly, reaching out to place a light hand on his arm, “talk to me.”

Without even really thinking about it, Remus turned towards her, but then he wished he hadn’t. She was so close, her eyes looking up into his, her lips slightly parted. He wanted nothing more than to press his own lips against them.

Remus shook his head, hoping to push those thoughts far away, but it didn’t help.

“What are you afraid of?” Tonks asked.

“I’m not…”

“But you are,” Tonks observed, squinting her eyes and watching him closely. “If you’re afraid of not having enough money, or of doing something to hurt me – you don’t need to worry. I can take care of myself. I’m not some little girl that needs to be kept.”

“I know you’re not.”

“You say that, but…sometimes, I’m not so sure.”

Remus sighed, turning away from her again. “I’m so wrong for you in so many ways.”

“Who says?” Tonks asked. “You or the rest of the world?”

“Tonks…”

“Forget about the rest of the world,” Tonks said. “I’m going to ask you again – what do you _want_?”

Remus took a deep breath. He didn’t know if he could lie to her then, not with her so close, not with his heart pounding so uncomfortably hard in his chest as if urging him to do what he kept avoiding.

Feeling drawn to her like a magnet, he turned back to her and took a shaky step, closing the distance between them. They were so close, Remus could feel her breath coming hot and fast against his neck and chin. Tonks looked into his eyes one more time, and there was no way he could have stopped himself then even if he’d wanted to.

Leaning over slightly, Remus softly and gently pressed his lips against hers. Remus’s arms snaked around her waist, drawing her closer. She sighed into his mouth, running her own hands up his chest and then wrapping her arms around his neck.

“Tonks,” he said, pulling out of their kiss, “this is…You know, I can’t offer you much of anything. I can’t even afford to dress myself, let alone you…”

“How many times have I told you?” Tonks asked, her eyes searching his own. “I don’t care about that. I care about _you_. I love _you_. I want _you_ – not any money or possessions you could give me. Just _you_.”

For the first time, Remus actually _listened_ to her words, and he dared to let himself believe them.

“So…erm…” Tonks began, diverting her eyes away from his. “Where does that leave us?” she finally asked.

Remus pulled away slightly, letting go of her waist with one arm and reaching up to grasp her chin gently instead. When her eyes settled on his again, he asked, “Are you sure this is what you want?”

Rolling her eyes, she pushed at him playfully. “Haven’t you been listening to a thing I’ve said?”

Remus laughed, quietly and breathlessly. “Yeah, I have.”

“What about you?”

“Well, what do you mean?”

“Is this what _you_ want?” Tonks asked, her eyes wide and her voice shaking slightly even though she tried to steady it.

“Tonks…” he said, but then he trailed off, not quite sure how to vocalize his feelings. Now that he was actually letting himself feel them, it was a little bit scary, but he realized there was only one way to put it. Remus reached down, grasping one of her hands tightly in his. “I love you,” he said.

For several seconds, Tonks stared at him, as if not quite sure of what she was hearing. Finally, she leaned forward, entwining her arms around his neck again and she kissed him. Remus closed his eyes, focusing only on the sensations.

Much too soon, she broke the kiss, and when she did, Remus opened his eyes. When he saw her, he let out a quiet gasp. Gone was her brown hair, and it was replaced, once again, with her signature bubblegum pink color.

She smiled and then held onto him even tighter, leaning against him and standing on her toes slightly until she could press her lips against his ear. “I love you, too,” she whispered.

She always had, Remus realized, but he’d only let himself believe it, and he promised himself in that moment that he’d never let it go again.

_The end_


End file.
